I just had one of those eureka moments when you are feeling
a certain way (usually bad for yourself) and then you are slapped in the face
with a miracle that makes you realize just how lucky you are.
This past weekend I felt really sad. I was missing home and all my friends and family and just felt really bummed that I won’t see these people that I care about so much for another 18 months. I was worried because time seems so static and still here (mostly because the weather is unbelievably constant – it’s like part of a math problem ; ] ) that when I get home I will think no time has passed, like the twilight zone, but really everyone else would have really lived 2 years. And changed. And grew…maybe apart. And that made me sad. But it is also stupid because I am growing and changing too, I just can’t see it, while I’m in it.
On top of that on my walk home from school today (the whole like 4 minutes of it) I thought about how this doesn’t feel like my life. It feels like I am away from my life and this is just some gig I have for awhile. Which is crazy because I have a job! I am teacher. I have taught for 5 months, the longest full time job I have ever held. And I live here. I should be here. This is my life. But I just reflected on how it doesn’t feel like that.
And then I was reminded that I am an idiot.
I went to go cash my paycheck for January at PUC – Pohnpei Utilities Corporation (if you pay for some of your cash power they will give you the rest in cash…and they have MUCH better hours than the bank) and I walked in and I saw a student from PCS. Now I thought it was my nephew (from my host family) but for some reason I wasn’t sure, he looked different. So I just kind of kept looking at him and he’s smiling. And then my host brother finishes getting his cash power and turns around and awkwardly says hello. I ask how he is and Jomar (my nephew) is like already out the door, so he’s like see you soon, chasing after Jomar. And I was just laughing about how awkward it was.
But then I got my cash power and turned around and there’s Jomar with a cold root beer for me that he whispers is from Jacqueline (my host mom) and I just got so happy and I walk outside and like the whole family is in the car (not really because my family is like 329487239487 people and there were only like 6 in the car but there were 4 generations present) and I went over and spoke to them in Pohnpeian (hi, how are you?, good, you? – very intense stuff) and then they asked if I needed a ride and told me they’d see me soon.
It got me. I was overcome with feeling, almost started crying after walking like 10 feet. I have been to my host family 3 times so far (Xavier prep takes a lot of weekends…) and yet I love these people. They are so amazing and even though this is so impossible they make me feel like part of their family. Like I have a life here. Like I belong here.
I clearly just need to be reminded often. But, hey, I don’t mind a few slaps in the face.
This past weekend I felt really sad. I was missing home and all my friends and family and just felt really bummed that I won’t see these people that I care about so much for another 18 months. I was worried because time seems so static and still here (mostly because the weather is unbelievably constant – it’s like part of a math problem ; ] ) that when I get home I will think no time has passed, like the twilight zone, but really everyone else would have really lived 2 years. And changed. And grew…maybe apart. And that made me sad. But it is also stupid because I am growing and changing too, I just can’t see it, while I’m in it.
On top of that on my walk home from school today (the whole like 4 minutes of it) I thought about how this doesn’t feel like my life. It feels like I am away from my life and this is just some gig I have for awhile. Which is crazy because I have a job! I am teacher. I have taught for 5 months, the longest full time job I have ever held. And I live here. I should be here. This is my life. But I just reflected on how it doesn’t feel like that.
And then I was reminded that I am an idiot.
I went to go cash my paycheck for January at PUC – Pohnpei Utilities Corporation (if you pay for some of your cash power they will give you the rest in cash…and they have MUCH better hours than the bank) and I walked in and I saw a student from PCS. Now I thought it was my nephew (from my host family) but for some reason I wasn’t sure, he looked different. So I just kind of kept looking at him and he’s smiling. And then my host brother finishes getting his cash power and turns around and awkwardly says hello. I ask how he is and Jomar (my nephew) is like already out the door, so he’s like see you soon, chasing after Jomar. And I was just laughing about how awkward it was.
But then I got my cash power and turned around and there’s Jomar with a cold root beer for me that he whispers is from Jacqueline (my host mom) and I just got so happy and I walk outside and like the whole family is in the car (not really because my family is like 329487239487 people and there were only like 6 in the car but there were 4 generations present) and I went over and spoke to them in Pohnpeian (hi, how are you?, good, you? – very intense stuff) and then they asked if I needed a ride and told me they’d see me soon.
It got me. I was overcome with feeling, almost started crying after walking like 10 feet. I have been to my host family 3 times so far (Xavier prep takes a lot of weekends…) and yet I love these people. They are so amazing and even though this is so impossible they make me feel like part of their family. Like I have a life here. Like I belong here.
I clearly just need to be reminded often. But, hey, I don’t mind a few slaps in the face.
